Index of Thoughts

Friday, January 24, 2014

Healing thoughts, an ebook, and your advice

I've been thinking a lot about writing an ebook lately.  There are two books that I really want to write that are complete opposites.  One is a cookbook and one is a self-help guide on betrayal. 

 I've known that I wanted to write a cookbook since I was a little girl, but I've always thought that you had to be old to write books like that.  Mostly because when you are older, you know more and you have more accomplished recipes vaulted away.  The other book is also something I feel compelled to write.  I have touched briefly here and there about infidelity in our marriage years ago.  I had a very hard time with it.  My husband and I decided to stay together, work it out, and create a better marriage which I am so blessed to have.  My life and marriage is so much better than before.   We have both learned a lot about ourselves and what it means to be happy.

At that time in my life, I devoured books to help guide me.  I was in a dark tailspin grabbing at anything to help pull me out.  I found lots of info on the affair itself and getting through the actual incident.  But, I only found just a couple of things to help me with rebuilding a better marriage after an affair or about dealing with the other woman which proved to be the most difficult of all.  I found that most women who survived an affair and rebuilt a marriage do not want to talk about it at all.  It's embarrassing, shameful, and something you want to forget about.  

Most people don't want to even hear about affairs.  It's something you're supposed to keep a secret.  I was the opposite.  I wanted to expose the truth.  I wanted everyone to know.  I wanted to talk about it.  I wished that other couples would have said to me - "me too".  Most people will talk to you about their failed marriages but not about how their marriage survived.  I found a show by Oprah once about all of these stories from couples who stayed together after betrayal.  It was a beacon of light for me.  It helped me see that it can happen.  People do stay together and they can have an even better marriage than before.  It gave me hope.

I want to do the same for other women or men.  I'm not a therapist and I don't have any credentials but I have my story.  I can share my experience and maybe envision myself reading it back then and feeling hopeful for the light to return.  The words "me too" are profoundly healing. I thought that I would wait to tell my story when I was older because of my children.  I think that if I wait too long then I will forget too much and plus that's a fearful way to live.  But, I'm also concerned about rekindling painful emotions.  I'm concerned about my husband's feelings about making his mistake (a gift in a shitty package) so public as well as the other woman - which I'm not naming but still I don't want pain for her either because I know it also hurt her deeply.  This year for me is about letting go - releasing.  So, will this help me release or will this create unhealthy obsession?  

Is the time now?  

Does anyone have any guidance or thoughts for me?  


  1. Wow! Krista! Being vulnerable is such a strength! So to just put yourself out there and be willing to be open and want to talk is so amazing. And very inspiring. Your experience is yours alone, and writing publicity aboutwhat you went through and how you overcame such a hardship will be empowering for many.
    Have you read When Things Fall Apart by. Pema Chodron? Very powerful read.

    1. I did read it then. Really good stuff. Although, I need to read it again because I can hear it a lot better now.

  2. She writes about how it's ok to allow yourself to confront your obsession, anger, jealousy, etc. and realize it so you can release it and let it go. We have to know our dark side in order to thrive in the light. And how you've handled everything so far- it is so writing/ speaking worthy. Your family made it, is happy, you have a 3 rd beautiful daughter. Success! now to write a book about it I would ask yourself

  3. I keep getting cut off! So I think writing a book will be a confrontation to your situation so you can fully release. Blessings to you on your journey

    1. Thanks Carri! It's kinda exciting but really scary too.

  4. I think your story is unique and like you said not one that is told very often. People who give advice to writers always say "write what you know", well, you know this story and as long as you tell it in a respectful way to all parties involved then it certainly could be healing. If part of it starts to pinch then that would be a sign to you that you are not ready and you can set it aside until you are. It can always be a work in progress and you can tackle it in bits if it get to be too much sometimes. :)


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