Index of Thoughts

Monday, March 8, 2021

Finding my High Heels

From my computer archives. I wrote this July 2011.

{And now looking back 10 years later reading this. I am so glad that I learned all these life lessons. It takes a lot of work and practice to take care of yourself.  I am still learning to listen to my body and make healthy choices.  I am still learning to let go of things that don't serve me.}

During this past Sunday rain storm I had time to reflect back on my first two pregnancies as well as my current one.  I noted how different they all were as well as the differences with myself.  During my first pregnancy, I lounged in the indulgence of pints of Ben & Jerry’s and boy, did it show!  

My second one I restrained myself somewhat with the weight but overall I just looked frumpy.  You know the look - messy pony tail, sweats, t-shirt, flip flops, no makeup, underwear that really should be thrown away plus who cares & nobody notices, and I just don’t have time look! 

Now, this pregnancy has come a little later and life has given me A LOT more lessons since my other pregnancies.  What happened to that person who had style, who looked sexy, who felt sexy, who cared, who had time for herself & made time for herself?  Where did she go?  And why am I shopping for clothes in Wal-mart???

Have you been there?  Did parenthood & marriage come in the middle of the night and steal your lingerie, your sexy black dress and your sassy high heels? 

The answer is YES it has, and YOU let it happen.

This is how it happened to me and this is how I returned to wearing my sexy, patent leather, peek-toe, yellow high heel shoes who I call Tami!  My story is fairly common as well as my excuse.  I simply got “stuck” in life and stopped really caring about the zest of life.  Does this sound familiar?  Bills, schedules, dead lines, to do lists, cleaning, debt, organizing, decorating, dirty diapers, dog poop, let’s just open another credit card, shopping, cooking, laundry, the cat just peed on the clean laundry, dishes, what will people think, slipping & falling in baby throw up, husbands, resentment, lack of sleep, yard work, painting, crying baby, very dirty car, yatta yatta yatta....... I think you get the point.  These things are what ran my life, my marriage and my parenting especially during my second pregnancy.  And that is a direct reflection of what I looked like too.

Life has a bizarre way of giving you just what you need even if you don’t think so at the time.  It is all in your perception to see it as your gift.  So, I decided to take my lemons and make some good ol’ Lemon Meringue Pie!  You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and you do the personal work.  After that, it’s such a wonderful uphill adventure.  Go to the salon & get a saucy new do, buy a pair of thongs, take your kids for ice cream for dinner, kiss your husband like it’s the first time, get a babysitter for a date by yourself, spend hours in the downtown boutique, cook dinner in heels, talk about money & bills at scheduled times, soak in the tub, give more, love more, laugh more and it will all come back to you when it is given freely.

I thank my inspiring, supportive friends and my wonderful husband who has equally done his own personal work and my beautiful girls.  They have all given me the nudge to discover and love myself.  Now pregnant with my third girl, I am rejoicing.  I am back!

I invite all of you to use the wonderful resources available in this area to give you the nudge to rediscover yourself and give your own high heels a name.


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