Index of Thoughts

Thursday, March 27, 2014

From the big box of my life. Fat and Happy

What comes to mind when you say the phrase "Fat and Happy"?

You can logically say that you don't mind being a little chunky because of x, y or z.  But internally most people have a different rehearsed verse that they say which is "I am not enough".  This thought is not gender bias either.  Men and women all are on the same train in this area.  Your mind and heart will tell you all the reasons why you should be happy even though your jeans are too tight or you have one hell of an awesome muffin top or spare tire or that you don't look like you did when you were 17 in your swimsuit.

I'm here to talk about this problem.

Even though you can rationalize why you should be happy at wherever you are, your ego will tell you that it's not good enough.  I am all for being healthy but that's not the issue here.  It's more than that. Because even when people lose all the weight and look stellar, they still have that internal dialogue that says "I am not enough".  I wish our society saw weight differently.  I wish we could tell ourselves that we are beautiful!

I am happy and I am beautiful and I don't fit in my skinny jeans anymore.  I am fat and happy and healthy!  I wear a size 8/10 for god's sake.  Shouldn't that be good enough?  Anyone who looks at me would say that I don't need to lose any weight.

Let me tell you TWO HUGE POINTS that will hopefully change your minds as well as reiterating them to myself.

1)  I have been skinny two times in my life.  Both times were stressful and unhappy when I look back on them.  The first being when I was in high school.  After I hit puberty in about the 9th grade (I was a late bloomer), I found out real quick that I couldn't eat like I did when I was a kid.  I packed on some weight and developed hips and a healthy rear end.  I was still about a size 8 but that was way bigger than I was before.  Then there was this girl who was so mean to me in high school and her sidekick friend.  We seemed to always like the same guy at the same time.  She threatened to beat me up after school and was so ugly to me.  We were kinda in the same group of friends.  But, she would try to make them not like me.  Then she started calling me "Fat Ass" to everyone.  I did my best just to ignore her and not engage in her ridiculousness.  But, the term fat ass just really hurt.  Needless to say, I lost all that weight and my senior year I graduated being a size 6.  Later, her sidekick friend did apologize to me.  How many of you have a similar story of someone saying something to you as a kid?  The next time I was that skinny and even skinnier was after the affair.  I couldn't even eat anything and when I did, I usually threw it up because I felt so sick.  I don't ever want to feel that way again.  Too skinny means sick and unhappy for my body type.

My senior year prom and 125 lbs. in 1996.  Try to call me Fat Ass now!!

Unhappy and Stressful time in 2009.  I remember these jeans were a size 6 and falling off me.

2)  A girlfriend of mine and I were talking about this subject and she told me the most wonderful story about her friend.  One of her friends got super, super heavy with her pregnancy.  I think that she said she got to around 250 lbs. and she is just over 5' tall.  She lost all the weight and got to be iddy biddy.  She was also single at this time.  Well, let me tell you - she said that she got so much "action" and was hit on all the time when she was just under 200 lbs.  Once she got to be pretty skinny, the guys didn't really pay much attention to her anymore.  She is a confident person who carries herself which is definitely attractive.  But when she had the extra curves and a voluptuous body, she was sexy and freaking hot!  My husband, Andy, always tells me that he likes it when I have some extra umph on me.  I am realizing that he is really telling me the truth and not just being nice.

Andy & I stupid happy in 2003 at Lake Powell and with a little extra junk in the trunk!

I hope those things help you figure out what caused your thinking of not being enough.  Are you healthy?  Are you happy?  Do you constantly say that you need to lose just a little bit more?

If you answered YES to these questions, then you need to just be "fat and happy" and own it and wear it and shout out "I am beautiful".

My mom just recently did a lot of traveling over in Eastern Europe.  She noticed that almost all the women over there have a little chunka lunka on them.  They aren't overweight but they seem to be okay with not being obsessed with that unobtainable body image.

I have a challenge for us all today.

-Tell your ego that you will not support it's stupid belief that you are not enough.  Don't listen to it's cruel words.
-Throw away your skinny jeans.
-Eat a piece of cake.
-Make Love with the light ON.
-Tell someone that you are beautiful.
-Write a post-it to yourself that says "My extra ____lbs. makes me sexy, beautiful, confident and a happy person."
-Stop yourself from saying out loud that you need to lose just a little bit more weight.  The more you say it then the more you internalize it.  Instead say "I feel great and plan on doing more things that help me feel fabulous."

In writing this to you all, I am also engraving this on myself.



  1. I don't often comment on blogs but couldn't let this one go! First, thank you for such a great post about a touchy topic! Like you, I have young daughters and am always trying to impress upon them that life is about being happy, healthy and comfortable in your own skin and is NOT about numbers (on a scale, in the tag of your jeans etc.) A post like this helps me reflect on my own feelings too! While it's important to teach my girls, it's also important for me to remind myself that it's just not about size and weight but about health and happiness. Also my husband, like yours, prefers for me to fill out my jeans rather than have them sag off!

    1. Thanks so much for commenting. It means a lot. You gotta get yourself a big hug and say I love this part of my body and this part and this part! It's all beautiful.

  2. Great insight. My thinnest times were also some of the most stressful, trying and unhappy times. There is a reason for the cliche fat and happy. I think there is a balance to be had. One can also get out of control the other way and start to give up on feeling good. When it all balances right and you feel good, then that is the "right weight" for you and it doesn't matter how much the numbers say. :)

    1. Perfectly said. We just need to all stop reach something unrealistic and treasure the realness and the happiness. Balance is everything.

  3. Really great post! I too had a sudden flash of insight the other day about body image and imprinting our girls -- I got very thin during boot camp and advanced training, and I had no curves. Not attractive. Now I have surplus, but I still feel better about my mirror image than I did then! My in-laws are all very thin, and should our girls have different body types, I never want that to be a judgment issue between/for them. Especially not from my influence.

    1. Sometimes you do have to have the both sides to see how being healthy and curvy is okay. And the opposite is true to. If your girls have a body type than is thin and lean, that body type is just as perfect.

  4. Great post!!!!! Just be happy! Happy is so sexy!

    1. Ditto girl! Happy and confident is uber sexy.


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