Index of Thoughts

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Happily Married & Gay

I've been marinating on writing this post for some time because of the subject matter.  But, I think it is totally worthy of sharing especially because I have put so much energy in thought on the subject.  I think that all of you will feel surprised as me.

I was told a while ago by one of my male gay friends that he has many many many affairs with married men.  He says that most of the men are happily married with children but are secretly gay.  Or possibly they think that they are not gay but are entitled to have affairs with men to have a better marriage.  I am not sure exactly but these are our guesses.  I was completely shocked and floored by this information.  Can you imagine the hurt as a woman to discover that your sweet loving man is having an affair?  And not the kind that you can recover from?  How do you work on a marriage when he fantasizes about other men?

Then, I asked my friend if it's like this everywhere.  But, he said more so in this area because of it being more rural.  He felt that the intolerance was stronger around here than in the cities.

How sad.  How troubling!

I just saw that tickets are about to start going on sale for Telluride's Aids Fashion Show that benefits people infected with aids and also educates the community on tolerance.  The only thing is that there is such a large population of men that would love to attend the gay ski week festivities there but aren't allowing themselves to be openly gay and participate.

Being an impostor and living a life in shame has got to be the worst feeling.  It causes disease and all types of other problems.  I do believe that as adults we have the choice to be vulnerable and be open even if it will hurt our loved ones.  But I have compassion for their fear of intolerance and acceptance.  I don't feel that the excitement of the secret and the affair outweighs the need to be understood and open.

As a mother it immediately makes me reflect on my own life.  Where do I feel like an impostor?  How do I judge?  Where do I have intolerance with my own children?  Mirroring is a difficult but important tool.

The ultimate question is how then do we raise our children to feel courageous enough to be vulnerable and open.  Because that is the true measure of a successful life.  The goal is for them to feel it within themselves.  I know for a fact that my male gay friend's family would be completely accepting of him being gay because they secretly already knew that he was.  We all knew.  But it took him 50 years to finally say it out loud!

My prayer is this:  For everyone to live in the light not in the darkness.  To tell their own truths and not cover up secrets.  To live a life full of courage and openness with themselves and the world.  For us all to be loved and accepted no matter what.


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